Abusers Hurt and Destroy: Why Society Needs to be Involved
Just Published: When Sally is 9…
The first of my book in the “Forgetting Sally” series, “When Sally was 9…” is out and can be viewed on Smashwords.com and Amazon.com.
Readers can also sample my story on these sites:
Smashwords
Amazon.com
I feel memoirs should be written lively, imbibed with the works of the novelist hand. It should be written like a story if possible leaving the reader with the kind of plots and story telling that makes them want to read more. When I wrote the first part of the series, I wrote it using a model that is part novel and part memoir.
Readers will find themselves working into the shoes of a little girl, Sally, who looks at the world through big glasses and who seems to have the characteristics that would be typical of any nine year old. She has grandparents who love her, friends at school she speaks to and books which occupy her time but that’s all on the surface. Once the reader tunes in, the reader very well enters another world of Sally where the thoughts of a nine year old sometimes works a little too hard, when life seems to make demands that are more than a little mind can handle. In all, the reader is provided details of family and school life as Sally saw it, the manner in which school functioned in 1970s Singapore and the kind of father who dictates a guideline on the path of life which Sally is forced to obey and follow. Of course, she questions as any child would but there are always consequences in making that challenge.
In all, readers walk through each telling chapter that describes and tells the life of Sally as she explores love with her maternal grandparents, the terrifying troubles that spew with her maniacal father and the many other unfortunate and sad pieces of the puzzle that she still pieces with hope to eventually rise and shine above it all. The second part is still in the works and would be out as soon as I can make that happen.
Just Published: When Sally was 9…
The first of my book in the “Forgetting Sally” series, “When Sally was 9…” is out and can be viewed on Smashwords.com and Amazon.com. Readers can also sample my story on these sites:
I feel memoirs should be written lively, imbibed with the works of the novelist hand. It should be written like a story if possible leaving the reader with the kind of plots and story telling that makes them want to read more. When I wrote the first part of the series, I wrote it using a model that is part novel and part memoir.
Readers will find themselves working into the shoes of a little girl, Sally, who looks at the world through big glasses and who seems to have the characteristics that would be typical of any nine year old. She has grandparents who love her, friends at school she speaks to and books which occupy her time but that’s all on the surface. Once the reader tunes in, the reader very well enters another world of Sally where the thoughts of a nine year old sometimes works a little too hard, when life seems to make demands that are more than a little mind can handle. In all, the reader is provided details of family and school life as Sally saw it, the manner in which school functioned in 1970s Singapore and the kind of father who dictates a guideline on the path of life which Sally is forced to obey and follow. Of course, she questions as any child would but there are always consequences in making that challenge.
In all, readers walk through each telling chapter that describes and tells the life of Sally as she explores love with her maternal grandparents, the terrifying troubles that spew with her maniacal father and the many other unfortunate and sad pieces of the puzzle that she still pieces with hope to eventually rise and shine above it all. The second part is still in the works and would be out as soon as I can make that happen.
Abuse is a Manifestation of Human Depravity in the Worst Forms but…
The word “abuse” is distasteful, the reason why many steer away from this topic. The word “abuse” conjures up negative human response to a level that makes its pronunciation within ear shot simply a word that is thought of as “most foul”. Immediately, our thoughts play up the most negative and they wouldn’t be pretty images we want to remember.
We think of “rape”, domination of the sexes in the most abusive way, emotional harm and mental torture etc. etc. Every thought generated will be clouded with negativity, sadness, anger and hate. And that’s normal. The word after all plays on the unhappy forms of human misconduct which society frowns upon. Created from just five English letters each otherwise subsisting on its own in a much fairer light, this malignant word called “abuse” has resulted in an unfortunate separation of its use in the regular tone of everyday language use as simply the word that should not be used. In fact, abuse is a topic that some may feel best discussed behind closed doors when people will not look at you “funny”, and misjudge you as being really “mentally disturbed” to even talk about as part of a normal conversational piece.
Indeed, abuse is not a nice word to use. To suggest someone has “abused” another or to even talk about “abuse” renders a varied number of responses from the larger crowd. Some may look at it apologetically, expressing concern over the victim who never made through the rosy path that the reader has. Some may express disgust, flavored from a background that simply denies the unfortunate evolution of misdeeds of the human kind. “Wake up and get on with your life”, they might say. And there are yet some who simply deny the pain of another as an area they have no relationship with. Theirs’ was governed by a much smoother course of events and stories of abuse are just not events they would even bother to know about. It makes them feel “uncomfortable” to remove themselves from their otherwise harmonic life and so they rather deny the existence of abuse and what it does for the unfortunate few who have not been so lucky. I have seen plenty of people who fit in these categories some time or the other including agents who think writing about abuse is a sheer waste of time.
But the topic of abuse is not to be swept under the carpet and the abused victim including the perpetrator should not be allowed to be left “untreated”. Abuse could lead to severe mental and emotional disorder that could eventually affect the victim through time and all others who function around that “victim”. It is a sign of abnormality that suggests the perpetrator usually a parent, sibling or close member that the family approves, has not conducted himself/herself well in a social environment where rules and expected forms of behavior is necessitated for the eventual sustenance and progress of a society. And the abuser may not generally be one person. It could even be a loosely bound group defined by ideas and misconceptions such as a cult group where domination by one master persists over the larger “weaker” population.
Think about a grain of rice. If you do not provide the nourishment and nurture that is necessary for that grain to grow, what you are left with are the rejects you do not need. These rejects are tossed away for eventual disposal because they are unpalatable for consumption and the ones that are salvaged are then sectioned into grades that eventually find their way on the dinner table. The same applies. It is frightening to even wonder what happens to an abused child who never talks about his/her problems and who eventually takes his/her place in a society as an adult where decision making and the ability to control one’s own destiny takes a much complicated route. Without acquiring the right mental attitude over time, an abused child could present a significant amount of problems to society leading to forms of behavior that the larger public will frown upon.
As such, abuse is not a game or form of play and we must always gear ourselves to understanding this area so that a life can be saved. My blog is intended to understand this area better and my book, “When Sally was 9…” is based on my own life. I have never taken anything for granted and I always ask myself the questions as to why this happened. I had a very intelligent father who taught me plenty but he also took a lot from me and I need to know why. It is so necessary to understand abuse so that we can pitch our efforts towards weeding the perpetrators and ensuring a child is given as much normalcy as possible. Everyone deserves a fair chance so it is important to help steer those who don’t, to veer into the right path.
Just a Thought on Senator Brown
When Senator Brown stepped up and admitted about something so personal in his life, I was quite surprised. Indeed, this came as a shocker in part because it takes a public person quite a bit of courage to finally tell something he has been bottling up for years. It is not a pleasant experience revealing one’s deep, dark secrets – yeah, those well-woven secrets that no one needs to know and I am not quite sure why he did it. I guess I have to read the book to know why but my feeling is that when he took that giant step, he was more interested in making information about child abuse known. After all, we need to empower the public with information so children can be protected. Children are after all our precious assets and their welfare dictates the betterment and progression of this society.
I know how it feels to tell something so dark. I have gone through the same hideous state of affairs and it is hardly pleasant and has always remained a scourge in my life.
Abusers are vicious predators always on the prowl for a victim they can control. Most often, these are malicious deviants who prey on helpless and neglected children. They watch and wait for the most opportune moment to make their attacks felt and almost disembowel you completely with their taunts and fear mongering. In fact, the perpetrator is most often the person who is trusted like your uncle or aunt or even your teacher.
And abusers do not care. Their basis for existence comes from quelling the inner strength of another. When they take control over a weak child, they win. Their basis in life is continuity in their own selfish pursuits marked by continued degradation of their own personal worth and the one they abuse.
Abusers also prey on a situation and they fully arm themselves with all information that enables them to embark on their sinful acts. Almost like an agent of some kind only this agent works on destructive change fostered by parents who never seem to make time available for their children.
There is naturally a lot more one can say on this rather sensitive topic and the debate continues in a myriad of ways. Not everyone may agree on how to resolve the problem but we have to start somewhere that gives the results it needs. It therefore makes sense to examine the society and socially engineer the steps necessary to mediate and control its effect.
An abused child can get hurt in the most terrifying way, both mentally and physically if abuse continues undetected over prolonged period of time. Spurred by parental neglect, such events can be devastating for all members of the family. I coped in many ways by arming myself with books which helped me live through my terrifying ordeals. I garnered strength from my reads and somehow, my spirit kept me going in the right direction. Yet, I have to admit that there were awful moments when these events incapacitated me and that would be something I would tell in my book, not here.
In all, I am happy Senator Brown spoke up. It is the brave one who speaks and tells the story for all to read and learn. For as Edward Teller once said…”fear is the only persuasion and even fear can be overcome through rational action.”
And so we learn.
Written by Romilla
© 2011 All Rights Reserved
Posted in Forgetting Sally | Tags: abuse, child abuse, coming to terms with abuse, senator brown, sexual abuse
Oh Yes! It’s Really About the Discerning Reader
Authonomy.com: The Allegory of Change
Forgetting Sally is on Facebook
Happy to announce Forgetting Sally is now on Facebook!
Posted in Forgetting Sally | Tags: facebook, forgetting sally, memoir
Memoir Writing: Facts and Fallacies
I am writing a memoir. That’s obvious with Forgetting Sally and I have plans to get this published. However, as I scout the internet and read the many writings that prevail on this genre, many written by literary agents, I see that my path to publication is blotched with hurdles that may cross my way. Hurdles maybe but not barricades of course!
Indeed, that makes me wonder if my decision to write a memoir is something that should be reserved for the family closet and if there is any good reason for me to spend that incredible amount of time penning a work that may yield little results with the literary agents. Literary agents are oftentimes hard bent on what they perceive is a saleable memoir for them and that naturally stems from their own life experiences handling such delicate matters as memoirs. However, that’s not to say there are no literary agents who address the subtle makings of a successful memoir. There are the dedicated ones but these are possibly few. You just have to look for them.
So, what do you do when a rejection comes your way because you are not famous? Well, my answer to that would be simple. Failure is not a solution. If you receive rejections, keep looking. Look for a literary agent who understands the business of writing memoirs and who realizes the value of life that emanates from sharing that memoir to the audience. Also remember that the business of a literary agent is to find that read which sells and most turn down the memoir for the primary reason that you are not famous and will not work with the significant amount of time they think they would have to take just marketing your writing. That’s obvious right? Yeah, a real bummer. And it should not be a shocker for goodness sake! Literary agents are there to earn their keep as well, just as we all are to make a buck with that exciting memoir writing we so want published. So, when a literary agent comes hopping your way with a rejection notice, do not despair. It is part and parcel of finding the right literary agent who syncs well with your expectations.
Writing a memoir is a rewarding process and it begins first as a personal journey on the part of the writer. It is when at some point in your life, usually at a later age, you have decided that you want to put on paper certain bits about your life where you can perhaps extrapolate and learn from mistakes or even celebrate a certain milestone in your life that deserves mention. And that’s just fine because writing a memoir is possibly a means of coming to terms with what you have experienced in your early life, be it bad or good. It is an experience that involves a lot of soul searching and presents many questions you may seek and many answers rendered to the way you feel inside and how you make the move to deal with the consequences of the emotions that it renders.
But when you pen those words into a book with the hope of publication, it translates into a brave step that you have decided to take in sharing your personal bits with the larger public. However, here’s where the real journey begins since the memoir must be a “readable” and “saleable” read for several important parties in the process:
- There is the main lead here – the literary agent who agrees to represent that book. This must be an individual who feels comfortable with the read and who understands the considerations involved in marketing that specific book to the publisher. There are literary agents who truly understand the area designated as memoir and can provide helpful tips towards successful publication but most surprisingly shun away from this area simply because they see no future wasting their time on something they consider as useless literature. However, if you have a good work that draws the impressions and the interest, just find that agent who makes it work.
- The editor who uses the company’s resources in indulging the green light that welcomes that publication.
- The readers who decide that the money spent on that memoir is worth the dime and time they take to place it on their own personal shelf. A good book self-replicates itself in many ways by encouraging loyal followers or fans as they could call it and eventually adds credence to the writer/author thereby setting the stage for more book contracts for the new and successful writer of course.
So, what indeed would be the ingredients for ensuring that successful contract with a literary agent who welcomes the memoir genre?
Tune in to my next piece which gives my take on what I think that would constitute….
Written by Romilla D.
© 2010 All Rights Reserved
Posted in Memoir Writing | Tags: biography writing, literary agents, Memoir writing, memoirs, publishing, publishing a memoir, writing a memoir


